Why More Self-Love Can Mean Greater Financial Success

It wasn’t until last week that I ever truly understood the connection between self-love and financial success. This may seem a bit of a stretch to you, but let me explain.

I’ve been self-employed for over 6 months now, and as good as I should feel for reaching this milestone, there was a part of me that wasn’t thrilled about it. In fact, part of me was pretty down because I hadn’t surpassed some of my financial goals.

You’ve probably seen those stories online, some person quits their job and within 6 months they’re already raking in 6 figures. I know that’s not common, but still, something in the back of my head was saying “Why couldn’t you do that? Why aren’t you as successful as X, Y or Z?”

There’s No Shame in Getting Help to Propel You Forward

This is called negative self-talk. It’s something I do so automatically that I didn’t even know I was doing it until recently. How did I find out? I started seeing my old therapist again. I hadn’t seen her in over 3 years, and a lot has changed since then.

Back then, I went to see her because I was having a hard time adjusting to living in new city and trying to make new friends from scratch. A lot of my mental barriers had to do with my past (obviously), but going to those sessions helped me more than I could have imagined.

That’s why I’m so open about sharing that I’ve gone to counselling in the past, and have started going again. We’ve all got stuff. That’s just the undeniable truth. And sometimes we need some help from a third-party to work through that stuff. I’m a fixer and perfectionist, so that’s why I have no problem going to see a therapist for help. If it means I can get some tools to overcome some of my mental blocks and find some clarity to some of my issues, then I’m all in baby!

You Can’t Control External Sources of Negativity, Only How You Handle It

This time, I started seeing my therapist again for a different reason. I finally feel comfortable and happy in Toronto (thank god!), and I’ve got a great group of offline (and online) friends, so it wasn’t to revisit any of that. This time it was about figuring out a way to deal with external and internal negativity in a healthier way.

As my blog and podcast has grown, so has the negative feedback. As many of my blogger/podcaster/influencer friends know well, it sucks pouring yourself into something only to get some online cyberbully publicly tell you “You suck!”, “You’re wrong!”, “Who do you think you are?” or most recently “You’re a c***!” (yeah, that last one really happened).

I’ve always had a bit of an imposter syndrome, so when the negative feedback started to roll in as I turned my side gig into my full-time business, I didn’t really know how to handle it. What I ended up doing was choosing not to address any of it, and internalize it instead.

But internalizing is not healthy! All of those negative comments, tweets, whatever, would just stay inside my head until I started to believe that maybe they all had a point. Maybe I was the worst? Maybe I should give up? Maybe I was doing more damage than good?

I explained all this to my therapist, and what she made me realize was pretty incredible. I don’t give myself any credit. I don’t spend any time or energy on being proud of myself. I don’t give myself permission to feel good or happy. For the 100 positive pieces of feedback I get, the 1 negative comment will be the only thing I focus on.

Negative Self-Talk Isn’t a Motivator, It’s a Distractor

But since I’ve always done this, I thought it was normal. I thought it was the main factor in me being so ambitious, me having so much drive to be successful. But that’s actually not true. Sure, I totally believe in the whole “Let your haters be your motivators” idea, but you can’t just be motivated by proving people wrong.

Keeping all that negative BS in your head isn’t helpful — it’s distracting. Personally, it was deterring me from trying new things, taking risks, being more vocal, and telling others “Actually, no, YOU’RE wrong” or “I totally disagree!” I’m also a bit of a people pleaser, so on top of internalizing all this negativity, I was afraid of retorting for fear of further backlash or more people jumping on to the bully bandwagon.

But that’s no way to live. It’s just like sucking up all the negativity like a vacuum, and never emptying the bag until one day it explodes. For me, my vacuum bag was getting mighty full, which took the form of mild depression and anxiety.

And that really pissed me off because that is not what I’m about. For god’s sakes, I started this brand, my personal brand, to spread positivity, encourage others to live a more balanced and financially free life, and ultimately help people grow and be awesome! So why was I letting this crap get in the way of me living what I was preaching?

Focus on Self-Love Instead of Negative BS

No more. The first step to making a change in your life is to acknowledging what you need to change. The second step is to learn the tools to help you make that change. The last step is taking action.

And that’s exactly what I’m gonna do. I’m taking action. I don’t want all this negative ridiculousness to keep me from reaching my full potential. I may not be making 6 figures in my business yet, but that doesn’t mean I can’t ever achieve that. And I shouldn’t let any naysayers get in the way of me making those strides to a bigger career and higher income.

I may not be everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s a good thing. If those people don’t have anything nice to say, that’s really about them and their issues. It has nothing to do with me.

There’s a reason why my brand has grown so much in the past two years. Because I’m actually doing what I set out to do. I’m helping people. I’m motivating people. I’m creating a community to foster communication and support in the personal finance space. I’m affecting people. And those are the people I should care about.

But besides that, I should care about me more too. I should be proud of all the strides I’ve made so far. I should take a minute and allow myself to feel good about my life and what I’ve contributed to make the world a nicer, more positive place to live.

And that goes for you too. If you’ve been nodding along while reading, it means you need to do the same thing. Be proud of yourself and what you’ve done. Give yourself permission to absorb any positive feedback, from external sources or internally, without discounting it or making some excuse for why it’s not that big of a deal. Because it is.

And on the finance side of things, you do deserve financial success and freedom. You do deserve to live a life that’s debt-free and abundant. Don’t ever get stuck in that trap where you’re telling yourself “Well, I’m broke and that’s just how it’s always been.” It doesn’t always have to be like that and you know it. Give yourself some credit and keep pushing yourself forward to reaching your financial goals.

At the end of the day, you shouldn’t be ashamed for feeling good about yourself and loving yourself before anything or anybody else. You should embrace that feeling whole-heartedly.

Self-love — it can be a powerful thing if you allow it to be.

You May Also Like...

This content is provided for information only and is not advice. I make no representations or warranties regarding the accuracy or completeness of the information and will not be responsible for any loss arising out of reliance on the information. To learn more, read my Privacy Policy and Disclaimer.
Showing 24 comments
  • Mrs. Adventure Rich
    Reply

    Awesome, yes! I recently have been working on positive self-talk in my running and the effects were immediately apparent. Instead of “I can’t keep up with this person much longer”, I would switch to “I am keeping up with them, lets see how long I can do it!”, etc. From there, it felt natural to bring this into other aspects of life and it is amazing how a little self-love can change the course of your day or week.

    • Jessica Moorhouse
      Reply

      So glad you’re embracing this too! It’s not an easy thing to switch in your mind (I’ve struggled), but once you keep at it, like you said it feels natural.

  • Lauren Sergy
    Reply

    This was a beautiful post, Jessica, and hit me on a personal level in many ways.

    Thank you for sharing not only your financial wisdom but also the messier aspects of building a business that so many people gloss over. What people like you (and I) are doing is messy, complicated, takes a long time, and can attract negativity from others and feelings of failure from ourselves. The more honest we business builders can be about it, the more we can help support each other through the rough patches.

    You are a treasure and are doing great work.

    • Jessica Moorhouse
      Reply

      Thanks so much Lauren! 🙂

  • Natalie
    Reply

    Jess,

    This is great content and you are sooooo not alone. I work for myself, I have two businesses and I cannot tell you how many days I doubt myself and feel down because I didn’t hit a goal or a launch wasn’t as successful as I would have liked it to have been. Keep doing what you are doing! I love your podcast and all the awesome content you put out into the world!

    • Jessica Moorhouse
      Reply

      Thanks so much Natalie!

  • Rob
    Reply

    Hey Jess !

    Yeah, negative BS really is just someone else’s issue – certainly not yours. And, as I’ve so often like to comment in various blogs –
    “Don’t sweat the small stuff because everything in life is just that – small stuff!”
    (like water rolling off a duck’s back, right?) 🙂

    • Jessica Moorhouse
      Reply

      Totally agree Rob!

  • Pira
    Reply

    Jess,

    I am sad to hear that you let negative feedback get to you but happy to hear you will no longer let it get to you! I’m not really sure why people take the time to write nasty things to others but I’m going to guess there’s something lacking in their own lives. You don’t see happy, accomplished people (like yourself) putting down others, after all. You’ve come so far over the past few years with your awesome podcast and great content! Keep it up and we’ll keep reading/listening. 🙂

    • Jessica Moorhouse
      Reply

      I don’t know why people feel the need to put others down, but as I’ve learned, it doesn’t matter why they do it. I’m not gonna do it, and I’m not gonna let them disrupt my journey. Thanks for the comment Pira!

  • Adriana @MoneyJourney
    Reply

    Loved your post! It’s true, one negative feedback out of many positive ones does have devastating effects. I’ve given up on many online projects over the years because of it (huge mistake..).

    Seeing the positive in everything and ignoring the “haters” is indeed difficult. There’s a fine line between self-doubt and self-love, but focusing on the positive will always bring you one step closer to success 🙂

    • Jessica Moorhouse
      Reply

      Sorry to hear that, but I’ve been there too. So many times I just wanted to call it a day on being a blogger or podcaster because it would be so much easier to not deal with all the negativity that comes with it. But there’s also a lot of positivity, like being able to talk with you and others about things I write which is super cool!

  • Sherri
    Reply

    Hey Jessica, that’s a really well written post and it’s awesome that you’re sharing your challenges and how you’re dealing with them! Takes a lot of courage 🙂 I’ve recently gone through a similar thing, except it was a health issue that triggered it. Now I’m all about the self love!! Just wanted to share something that has helped me when something negative enters my life, it’s called Ho’oponopono, and it’s an interesting concept where you use 4 simple sentences to create healing in an area. I’d definitely recommend checking it out if you haven’t already heard of it!!
    Thanks for all of you inspiration!
    (Found this link that explains it: http://www.laughteronlineuniversity.com/practice-hooponopono-four-simple-steps/)

    • Jessica Moorhouse
      Reply

      Love this, thanks Sherri I’ll check it out!

  • Alexis Kienlen
    Reply

    Jessica,

    I’m really sorry that you’re struggling, and I hope that you’re feeling better. It was an article that you did with the Globe and Mail that led me off to start on my financial journey and I’m so grateful.

    I’ve love to do a podcast with you for your listener series.

    Thank you for everything you do!

    • Jessica Moorhouse
      Reply

      Awesome! And I’ll definitely reach out to you Alexis!

  • Reply

    Jessica, don’t let the haters bog you down. When you have some, know you’re making progress and are doing something worthwhile.

    I have tremendous respect for what you’ve done with your blog and how you’ve branded yourself.

    • Jessica Moorhouse
      Reply

      Thanks so much!

  • Starra
    Reply

    Hey Jessica,

    I just wanted to say thank you for opening up about going to therapy. I struggle alot with mental illness and often feel like “I’m not good enough” because of this. It definitely helps to see that other people, even ones you think have everything figured out in life, are having similar struggles. I have recently started therapy and am finding it is helping alot just because I feel more supported when I’m going through a tough time. There still is a stigma against it in our current society, but the more people open up about it, the easier it will be to tear down those walls! Thanks again!

    • Jessica Moorhouse
      Reply

      You are so welcome, and honestly I’ve found that when I open up about going to therapy, I find out so many other people go, they were just waiting for someone else to share that they went to. It feels good not only to get help from a third-party professional, but also to know so many other people seek out help too. And it’s a good thing! There’s nothing wrong trying to find solutions to your mental problems or mental blocks. Hopefully this will continue to become normalized in the coming years.

  • Liz Garster
    Reply

    A thousand times YES! I absolutely love your correlation between self-care and finance; it’s ALL connected! Love seeing a wellness perspective tied into personal finance 🙂 Keep putting out awesome content and don’t let the haters bring you down…ever!

    • Jessica Moorhouse
      Reply

      Thanks so much Liz!

  • Enoch
    Reply

    Thanks for this podcast! I did get some worthwhile nuggets I think would be really helpful for me. Cheers.

    • Jessica Moorhouse
      Reply

      Thanks Enoch!

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Start typing and press Enter to search

131 Shares
Pin94
Tweet21
Share12
Share4
Email